I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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