trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
