Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
