I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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