I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize