Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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