Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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