I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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