Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize