if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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