You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
