I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
