He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
