My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can you bring me the toilet please
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
