remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Congratulations! We have a period
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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