I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drake has all the answers
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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