My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
