Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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