Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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