are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
