he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
