just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize