haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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