i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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