I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
