He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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