I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
