I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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