I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
