Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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