Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
