I'm really into asian looking animals
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we're so committed to being not committed
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