I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
