You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
