Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
