and you said cock pushups were impossible
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
