I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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