i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
