It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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