So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
