8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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