and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
