Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Enjoy the penises
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
