for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
