Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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