That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
