see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
