I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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