So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
