Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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