low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
