Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
