I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
