Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
