I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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