am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
