After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
