I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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