Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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