Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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