my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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