You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
