talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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