i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
