You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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