I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize